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30 September 2013

That Day I Cried Like a Baby

I could not remember how I heard the news. Mom just arrived in Singapore to visit us but we all had to fly back home. It was a very sad day, but I barely remember crying.

We reunited with family and loved ones. Everyone was all smiles though we were all mourning. I was in black in white, just like the rest of them. I took a few photos of people who shouldn't be smiling but couldn't help to feel awkwardly happy to meet relatives they have not seen for years. 

I had to miss the wake and fly back alone because of work. And right when we were in mid-air, my tears rolled like a waterfall as if it had been there in my eye socket for quite some time. I was glad that there was no one else sitting in my row. It would have been very uncomfortable.

I wrote something on the only paper I had but it was all wet and I could no longer read it. I cried so hard until I could no longer breathe. I had to pacify myself because no one else probably could. 

He was one of those few men in my life I truly loved. He was funny, he was smart, he smoked sometimes but I didn't care about that. When I was needy, I would call him from a phone booth while it was 3 AM where he was at but it didn't bother him that I woke him up. He always listened to me but also always left me decide for myself. He kept me whole when my world felt like it was falling apart. But he could not hold me longer than that because he had to go. 

Sometimes I wish I could still hold you and whisper things in your ear. This time, I am not silent. I just want the world to know that I have loved you dearly.

It has been 3 years. I miss you Lolo Ed.

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