02 September 2013


It is very strange that suddenly my last cup of happiness flew out the window today. I didn't spill it, it just left me so quickly like the way a rubber band snaps after it's stretched far enough. At that instant, visions from my past of me staring at the table inside my dorm room flashed before me so vividly. There was a rosary and a pen knife lying right next to each other while tears just flowed down my eyes endlessly. But today, I didn't cry though I could have and there were no thoughts of taking one's life away. It was just a sad feeling and nothing more.

The lights went off while I was still in the middle of a document and there was no one else around but me. A few hours earlier, I sipped hot chocolate hoping it would give me a lift. It took a while for my system to get the happy nerve kicking again.

It's raining outside and the water sliding down the train window does not help at all. A few exchanges of messages with friends and loved ones did help a bit.

Tomorrow I will be back sitting on the same chair but this time I am hoping to have more happy thoughts to get me by - Friday nights, late night food trips, blue skies, coffee shops, plain old comic strips and all those lovely colorful strokes.

Smiling proved to not help so much because over here it seemed a poker face is more acceptable.

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