20 August 2013

Fried Bananas, the Guitar and Aging

Yesterday was my brother's 26th birthday. In celebration a day later, I cooked fried sugar-coated bananas for the first time though the doctor was quite clear that I should stay away from fried and spicy food. Both of which I have broken within 24 hours of advise.

My brother was worried sick about how to go with his vacation time and worried also because he is aging. I have turned 30 last April but I am glad to have let go of the anxiety. I have this song that I have always listened to from U2 called "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." I am a bit surprised that I no longer sing this song as much as I used to and that it does not ring much to me anymore. What I have now I am lucky to have found and hope to keep it with me. My logic has reduced to that though some people still find me so serious, that I have a lot to work on. After having made so many life choices, I think it is time to just live it.

Aging is scary for most people. Eventually, I will become that old lady slowly crossing the street. But I do have two visions in my mind. Either I die quite young after a happy and carefree life or die old in a warm bed surrounded by my grandchildren. Either way, I think it works for me.

Lately I have been playing the guitar. The first time I held one in my hand was about 19 years ago. I didn't know a song except for that one piece called "A Horse With No Name." My elder guy cousin taught me how to play it. It's funny that I owned one only in my 30th year. I bought a friend's guitar a few months back. It has been so long since I have plucked and strummed the strings seriously and I felt I was back to square one. The tips of my fingers are painful and I felt that there is so much work to do.

I used to have a wall of drawings and thoughts beside my bed. I still have tons of paper and art medium though I seldom touch them. In my mind are reds and blues that I wish to paint and I wish to paint them soon.

I feel happy talking about music and art and other things where I can be just me. Sometime in the past I fell into a zone where I had so much restriction and because of that I only had a scowl on my face.

I have been flying up in nowhere for sometime and now I am back on the ground where I belong. I have been chasing happiness in the wrong places but I have a good feeling I am on the right track now.

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