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23 October 2011

I have forgotten

Today, I have forgotten about that sad morning 20 years ago and only thought about it when I spoke to my mom. It wasn't the kind of morning a little girl would want to wake up to. But this morning, I woke up from a very long dream which is something I rarely have these days. I rode on the back of a motorized tricycle with only my hand and my feet gripping the bars and I almost fell off. I arrived at this remote village with homes made of palm and went inside a small church where I tried to light up a candle. The fire resisted to burn the wick so I just left.

I am unsure what that unlit candle meant. I hope that there is still light in whatever part of this life it is trying to remind me of. Change has been the only constant thing and by that I meant in both good and bad ways. But mostly, the change lies in the perception of life and knowing more about those things that I thought would remain uncertain to me. The faith is never shaken though but the question lies in how other people are able to survive while believing otherwise. It is a curious case and for now I choose to leave it as it is.

My faith tells me that my Dad is somewhere in that world where there is no more pain or hunger or fear. I am happy for him and glad that the memory of that fateful day remains clear but only a hint of the gripping sadness comes with it. Those 20 years have not been perfect but so far it's a good life. I hope his 34 years was too. 

1 comment:

  1. Kim,

    In experiences like these, I remind myself that life is meant to be lived forwards and understood backwards.

    I'm sure he would be very proud of what you have become.

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