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29 September 2011

Sentimentalism


I wasn't too sure what you meant when you explained about not dwelling into sentimentalism. I know you didn't mean to have a hardened heart. I remember quite vividly that night you talked about grandma years after she passed away and tears rolled down your cheek. I know how you have loved her so much. And that kind of love I hope I'll find.

That day I last saw you in your eternal peace, my heart was not too affected and my mind was only thinking about moving forward. But when I boarded the plane alone back to where I am now, I cried like a baby. The sky was pitch black and my reflection on the window was nothing I would want anyone to see.

I still cannot be sure what you really meant when you talked to me about sentimentalism. If I Google it, the meaning only becomes more complex. I don't know if I want to dream about it. I've had unwanted dreams that my subconscious have been wanting. The more I talk now, the more confused I become. I only wish that you could explain it to me once more through your interesting stories of old. But for sure the angels would not let you and prefer to keep you safe wherever you are now.

I could have done better at expressing myself but I know you would not complain. You've always lived like there were no regrets. I can only continue to thank you for helping me stand where I am now and molding my mind into something sensible.

It's been a year. I have missed you but not too much. I know you would agree that this could be a good thing.

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